One thing for sure ...
The journey I thought my life would take me on ... and the journey I have experienced thus far are light-years apart.
In hindsight, it's easy for me to say "Thank You" Universe for all the many challenging and difficult life lessons you provided ... and for being so darn patient with me.
But the journey certainly was never easy ... and at times, it was emotionally debilitating, right from the get-go. Over and over, I experienced the pain from an "emotional-void". And I thought, "That's just how it is ... like it or not." May sound silly, but I had no name to call this feeling of "emotional-void" growing up ... it was just because it just was.
Today, I deeply appreciate how my awareness and understanding of Life and Love and Compassion have amazingly transformed from the "the-who" I was ... to "the-who" I am in this very moment ... and then the next ... and the next ... with ever evolving Moments of Awareness.
Some Insights about My Life Journeys
I for sure have encountered many Life and Relationship Journeys as I have unknowingly experienced living the Cycles of Life Transformations with an eclectic range of lifestyles and philosophies.
From a rich (not wealthy) man ... to a poor (not homeless) man ... and many points in between. From hippie ... to a practicing Buddhist in my 20's ... today, consider myself a "metaphysical being" in my beliefs. Was an on-again/off-again successful-unsuccessful business guy for many years.
And now ready to enter my final Dimension of Personal Awareness, a journey waiting to welcome me to a new beginning my heart and soul have never known. And I know I won't need or want another ... because of the incredible Gifts of Renewed Freedom, I have already, and with more to come.
Some gifts already have become a most valuable and precious ingredient of who I am today. For me, having such gifts defines the meaning of what feeling grateful and thankful are about.
And for sure, my life journal below represents perhaps only a third of my sometimes amazing, sometimes crazy, and sometimes just bizarre life adventures, large and small. And the many diverse characters I played along the way and the many unique individuals and teachers I met that were all part of each journey.
And would not want to leave out the fact that for parts of my life, I've been a wandering (and at times, lost) soul ... and now in search of a few final puzzle pieces. And after you've read the journal below, perhaps you'll start to appreciate each stage to the many Life Transformations I have experienced..
After my first year of college, I began my journey to search for the meaning to life. Was not at all clear where I should look but was convinced at the time, it was not in my own backyard. So I began my search while unknowingly living and learning the Cycles of Life Transformation.
50+ Years of Places I've Lived Along the Way
1966 Chicago 4 yrs
1970 Los Angeles 1 yr
1971 Houston 1 yr
1972 Boulder, CO 3 mos
1972 Chicago 3 yrs
1975 Tucson 2 yrs
1977 Chicago 2 yrs
1979 Philadelphia 2 yrs
1981 Chicago 2 yrs
1983 Cleveland 2 yrs
1985 Madison, WI 5 yrs
1990 Minneapolis 4 yrs
1994 Tucson 10 yrs
2004 Phoenix 10 mos
2005 Tucson 12 yrs
2017 Ashland, OR to present
Years of Exploration 1965 to 1977 Age: 18 to 30
A Tough Disappointment to Forget
1965 - Skokie, IL Age: 18
One of my biggest disappointments as a kid growing up was in my senior year of high school and being in the finals of the world-class High School Track Meet mile relay event.
The track meet was held at the University of Illinois Stadium filled with 20,000+ fans. I was the third man on the four-man relay team. Our team was in the lead when I got the baton hand-off and could feel my adrenaline racing through my body as I heard the crowd cheering.
High School Track Days
Then, in a blink, I was tripped by another runner and fell to the ground ... and looking up could see the other runners passing me by. Did not get over this haunting event for a long time ... but life went on anyway.
Behind the Scenes of the Real World
1966 - Chicago, IL Age: 19
After I dropped out of Oklahoma University and having the right family connections, got into the Chicago Motion Picture Projection Union.
I worked a variety of union assignments at major conferences and industrial shows in most of the major hotels in downtown Chicago. After doing this for a few years, was assigned to become a film editor at WGN TV for two years. Saw lots of TV shows and movies.
Union pay was more than good as I was often on several payrolls. So much of my social wardrobe was designer and custom-made clothes. (Today, I look back and grin as jeans and t-shirt are my basic day-to-day wardrobe.)
Los Angeles Days
Discovered Living Life with a Los Angeles Twist ... Oh My
1970 - Marina Del Rey, CA Age: 23
I had a compelling urge to experience more in life than being a union TV film editor so I moved to Marina Del Rey, CA to be close to the ocean and where I could continue my studies in computer technology.
It was an incredible year of experiencing life that I only thought existed in the movies ... life with an LA twist.
My First Deep Experience of the HeartBreak of Love Lost
1972 - Chicago, IL Age: 25
Next, I returned to my hometown of Chicago where I was to have my 1st serious intimate relationship with a woman that began my exposure to so much about life and love. The first woman I let love me.
And after it ended for me with a broken heart … for the next couple of years, I often found myself writing about my experiences of Life and Love as words poured out of me including many song lyrics along with a few basic guitar chords.
(Sometimes I still find myself lost in the shower singing some of those songs … with smiles from my heart of a past that once was.)
Nourishing My Broken Heart - The Magic of a Friend
1974 - Chicago, IL Age:27
After my relationship ended in mid-1974, I desperately wanted to heal the deep emotional wounds and pain I experienced every day. And unexpectedly I found my relief by being vulnerable.
I met a gal who was a bartender at a nearby pub who had recently become a Playboy Bunny. We quickly became supportive friends to each other and she invited me to stay with her for a few months to heal.
This all was very soothing nourishment for my broken heart and offered me some welcomed temporary emotional relief ... but still had a long, long ways to go on the emotional roller coaster healing journey that was in front of me.
Continuing the Nourishing Process
1975 - Tucson, AZ Age:28
Soon I retreated to Arizona … worked in the fields for a short time with other day laborers and decided to drop back into school at the University of Arizona at the tender age of 28.
I also became a pretty good tennis player and was often on the courts early in the morning ... and played in a few local "B" tournaments. I continued to write more as my life experiences kept on rolling.
Years of Discovery 1977 to 1999 Age: 30 to 52
Working in the Corporate World ... The Sky was the Limit
1977 - Chicago, IL Age: 30
As my funds were running low, my next adventure unexpectedly announced itself and I found myself back in Chicago working for a multi-national computer corporation starting at the bottom as a junior computer programmer and quickly began to rise.
After a year there, they gave me free rein and encouraged me to do my own R&D and create software applications that had never been created before.
This project was most challenging because the software I was developing required unexplored technologies and there were no reference books or manuals written back then to guide me ... a most exciting and creative time in my life.
Falling in Love Once More
1980 - Philadelphia, PA Age: 33
Soon I was invited to corporate headquarters in Philadelphia, PA to live and work. Before I moved to Philly, I met a 19-year-old girl who wanted to move to Philly and live with me ... and she did.
The relationship lasted a short 10 months ...
My International Presentations Begin
1980 - Philadelphia, PA Age: 33
Management assigned me as the lead design architect for a team of software engineers to create one of the world's first global online distribution systems.
A few months after the worldwide launch of this project, I was asked to deliver my first international presentation at a sizable conference in Florida about this groundbreaking technology I had developed. And I have made presentations around the U.S. and beyond ever since.
Creating My Own Consulting Firm ... Looking in the Mirror
1983 - Cleveland, OH Age:36
After 6 years of working for the multinational corporation, I wanted more freedom to find new avenues to serve and create ... so left the comfort zone I was working in ... and was the founder of a North American IT consulting firm, Kaufman Group, Inc (KGI). I moved to Cleveland, OH where my 1st client was located.
KGI was under my leadership for 16 years as it grew from just myself to a staff of 35 software engineers. We were hired by many large corporate and government organizations over the years. When I sold it, we had offices in Minneapolis and Phoenix, AZ.
Driver's License Photo
Growing My Firm with Clients and Staff and Value
1984 - Minneapolis, MN Age: 38
I moved to Minneapolis, MN where I began to grow KGI as a prestigious international client there had hired us.
Unexpectedly Falling in Love Again ... So Much More to Learn
1994 - Cleveland, OH Age:47
I was living in Minneapolis where KGI main offices were now located. I often was in Cleveland consulting for a few clients in the region.
While there, I met my future wife and several months later, we married. Shortly after that, we both moved to Tucson where I already owned a home in the mountains overlooking the city.
My Amazing Son & Best Teacher is Born
1997 - Tucson, AZ Age: 50
My amazing son Jacob was born and came into our lives and to my surprise, he became my best teacher of life as he acted as a mirror reflecting back to me, who I actually was.
Years of Awakening 1999 to 2015 Age: 52 to 68
After 16 Years of Blood, Sweat, and Tears ... Sold the Firm
1999 - Minneapolis, MN Age: 52
I chose to sell Kaufman Group, Inc as I wanted to stop my frequent road trips around the country and spend more time raising my son. Annual revenues grew from $60,000 my first year to $4 million when I sold KGI in 1999.
In a deep way, I felt like I was selling my very soul as I had so much of my blood, sweat, and tears invested in it after 16 years.
A New Life Journey Begins ... To a Place Called Me
2000 - Tucson, AZ Age: 53
It took a while to settle into my new lifestyle.
But soon it marked the beginning of a new awareness of a place I had never been before ... a place called "me".
I wanted to keep on creating and developing new territories I wanted to explore .... so I started a consumer-based information website that provided automobile reports to car owners.
What made this website most valuable when I sold it 10 years later was the 2 million unique visitors to the website each year and the 600,000+ opt-in email addresses of our website members collected over the years.
A Most Difficult and Challenging Life Choice ... Divorce
2003 - Tucson, AZ Age: 56
Separated from my wife. This was the most difficult and heart-wrenching choice I have ever made but felt it was best for our young son to not live in a home where parents did not get along and often verbally fought.
In my heart, I felt it was very toxic energy that I did not want him to learn from or be part of in any way.
I temporarily moved to Phoenix for 9 months to escape from the difficulty and challenges of it all.
A Pilgrimage for My Heart and Soul ... Saying Hello to God
2004 - Israel Age: 57
I made a decision to take a spur-of-the-moment, 10 day trip to Israel that turned out to be the start of a life-changing pilgrimage for me.
I am still awed to this day at the reality of world history from thousands of years ago that I walked in and experienced.
Welcoming New Meaning in My Life ... Service to Others
2005 - Tucson, AZ Age: 58
Divorce finalized. I now was free to get on with my life but found I was still a wandering soul looking to come home to a place I had never known.
I began volunteering as a co-facilitator for 8 and 10-week Divorce Recovery weekly educational support groups in conjunction with the University of Arizona, three times a year.
I did this for nine years serving hundreds of divorcing or divorced adults and parents. A most humbling and rewarding experience. Groups usually consisted of 15 to 20 individual parents.
(see The Rest of the Story)
Learning Major Lessons about Life ... Meeting Me
2008 - Boulder, CO Age: 61
I chose to take yet another turn in my life and went to a 9-month Ontological Coaching program in Boulder, CO (coaching of the soul) which impacted my life immensely in positive and dramatic ways. After graduating from the program, I became a credentialed member coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF), a global worldwide organization and began a coaching practice.
A Challenge My Son and I Won
2009 - Picacho Peak, AZ Age: 62
Hiked and climbed to the very tip of Picacho Peak, AZ with my son, who was 12 at the time. Yes, it was very scary. Very proud of this crazy accomplishment we did together.
Repairing My Chronic Broken Heart ... Thanks, DaVinci
2011 - Tucson, AZ Age: 64
I had a heart bypass procedure ... chose to have it done using the non-invasive DaVinci Robot instead of open-heart surgery.
I am convinced my heart condition was caused by my chronic "broken heart" and from a recent emotional relationship I had the previous couple of years that came to an abrupt ending.
Leading the Way for Fellow Coaches
2013 - Tucson, AZ Age: 66
I was elected President of the International Coach Federation of Southern Arizona by my peers with a membership of 50 Executive and Life Coaches and implemented many positive changes.
Years of Revelation 2015 to 2021 Age: 68 to Present
A New Health Challenge to Consider
Was told the results of my prostate biopsy, a life-changing event ... stage 1 cancer. Although not considered a high-risk life-threatening diagnosis, this began my major shift on how I saw my life and the world through new eyes and the impetus for me to create Exploring Dimensions of Personal Awareness based on my own real-world life experiences.
Diagnosed with PTSD ... Och
2015 - Tucson, AZ Age: 68
My world of the-who I thought I was, had completely shattered ... and it left my life in chaos. I often found myself experiencing deep debilitating emotional pain every day. I chose to check myself into the hospital for a week ... and they got this difficult pain to stop.
Once I returned home, I committed to myself to learn from my past ... and to explore, discover, and awaken the-true-who that I was at my core. I also chose that I would do this without the help of prescribed "meds".
This life-changing decision was the beginning "crack" that allowed the Light to start filtering down and touching my heart ... and connecting me to my Godsoul in ways I hadn't imagined possible ... and Light has graciously been coming in ever since.
My transformation began from my old Dimension of Personal Awareness of the-who I thought I was ... to the the-who I am today, living in a new Dimension of Personal Awareness ... now with my own Silent-Knowing of Peace, Joy and Love.
Peace Rally Tucson, AZ
Formalizing My Writings of 50+ Years - the "Labyrinth of Life"
2016 - Tucson, AZ Age: 69
I began formally compiling all my life writings and memoirs and song lyrics from the early '70s to present into an ebook titled Labyrinth of Life Chronicles as a legacy for my son (still in process.)
A Life-Altering Shift in Personal Awareness
2017 - Ashland, OR Age: 70
I chose to move away from Tucson with no destination in mind except for the emergence of "New Dimensions of Personal Awareness ... with Purpose and Wonder and Joy". After driving up the California coast for a few weeks, I ended up in Ashland, Oregon. (for details read My Life Awakening)
My Moments of Awareness Collection Launched
2018 - Ashland, OR Age 71
Enter the Age of Loving-Kindness
2021 - Ashland, OR Age 74
In hindsight, I am now fully aware that all the answers to all life's questions I had been searching for at the start of my life journeys, were always here inside of me all along.
I have learned well to trust the wisdom of my Godsoul and to appreciate my amazing Dimensions of Personal Awareness and blossoming Silent-Knowing.
Several years ago, my son asked me, "Dad, what's been the greatest accomplishment in your life?" My response to him was easy ... "Other than you my son, I have yet to accomplished it".